Random Jabberings

I have come to realize, over time, that there are a precious few people and things that stay with you forever. And by forever, I mean an illusion of a really extended period of time over which these people and things almost become a permanent fixture of your already short lifespans.

If there's one thing that scares me, it has been separation- from people and things. But life is washing over me with its astronomical strength that I have had nothing but to accept certain separations- from home, from friends, from people, from things with equanimity.

I'm being forced to not think of what-may-have-beens and concentrate just in appreciating the what-have-beens and what-is. It is hard. VERY hard to accept things and life as it comes. I almost wonder how generations have survived this, and this very same thought is what motivates me to reconcile to situations and accept whatever that causes a tremor in me.

Time slips away through my fingers like fine dust. I feel like I just left home, biting back tears and not showing even an iota of all the tension that was mounting within me, and now I'm almost near entering my second year!

SO MUCH has happened. So much has been learned and unlearned in the pages of this one year. I must say, I've emerged stronger, and maybe a tad wiser. Sometimes I wonder, why we accumulate all the strength and all the wisdom? Something always proves what you have wrong!

Probably there have been lessons I've learnt that have only lent more credibility to whatever person I've always been, and some others that have made me proud of my good upbringing. There have also been lessons learnt that have smarted my ego, told me not to be so impulsive and naive and oh-so-trusting.

In a world of confusion, somedays, my clarity of thought drives me crazy. I am always so sure of exactly what I want. It annoys me when people don't see the point of my actions when it stares so clearly at me. I've learnt to accept people for what they are. It is easier to forgive and forget this way.

People- they still continue to fascinate me. Their actions still scare, strangulate, surprise and soothe me. It takes all kinds of people to make the world, alright!

My first year in NID has been a beautiful learning experience. But soon as the academic year was over, I couldn't wait to get back home. I needed my old things that belonged to me. My space! My heart is slowly pacing up at the thought of leaving all the happiness of home.

Home has come rushing to me, or rather, I came rushing back home, at a time when I couldn't bear to stay a minute longer away from it. When I wanted the comfort of the familiar, when I wanted reassurance and support and just simple happiness of honest and pure love of family and friends.

And today, when I sat with not a care in the world, forgetting all the bitterness of growing up (which is not turning out to be as simple as I once imagined, nor as honest, direct and truthful an experience), I realized that home has come as a balm to me, preparing me for the challenges that await when I go back to fight my battles alone. Friends there are, and family too, to support me even there, and I feel blessed to have both. But well, this time the battles are going to be tougher, the challenges more intense.

There is still a voyage of self-discovery left for me, and I've barely begun. Scary, yes, but I'm willing to take it so I make mistakes far less than I have. With a few regrets and holding strong to all the strength and happiness, I shall keep rowing.


P.S.: Just some random jabberings!

Short Story 7

Niti switched off the radio as the radio jockey jabbered on. It had been a long day. Too much work. Too little satisfaction in it. And a horrible head ache to top it all.

"Come here kitty-cat!" she twitched her cat's ears and let it curl around her feet. She dug into the box of cookies and tossed one at her foot and popped another into her mouth.

She wished something could unwind her a bit. The radio couldn't and neither could the book. Way too heavy to read after a day's work, she thought.

Something to soothe her and make her feel comforted...

The lights got bright. Something zipped in through the window. Her jaw dropped. A parade of musicians had zipped in through her window. Eyes popped out, jaw still frozen mid-air and voice in a knot, she managed a gasp.

"Hello and welcome to Wishwhatever works inc. We operate at your deepest requests and needs. We just received a neurospiritic signal from your internal systems requesting our services to unwind you. So here we are, presenting the Interstellar Orchestra," a man greatly resembling a smiling Dali declared.

The musicians started to play and two men handed out tall glasses of some frosted drink to a still-shocked her. Finally managing to come to her senses, she almost started to protest, when the drink handlers gently nudged her to sip her drink.

As she sipped her drink, she found her muscles relaxing and her heart pacing back to the normal.

As the lilting jazz number drew to an end, the Interstellar Orchestra sat on their knees and drew out a rose each from within their neatly brushed jackets. A baffled, but calmer Niti, graciously muttered a 'Thank you' and managed a smile.

At the sight of her smile, they bowed and disappeared in a blink.

"Kitty-cat!Erm... Did that actually happen?"

Kitty-cat continued to nibble at the cookie.

Short Story- 5

She wondered where he hid the rainbows. They were probably hidden in one of those million lockers in 'Earth Needs' section. They were so beautiful, she wished her Dad would let her throw them merrily on earth whenever she wanted. He was the chief of everything the world was about. Many told her, they called him 'God' down there and apparently that was the highest post anyone had ever got. She didn't quiet understand all that, but she knew everyone loved and respected her Dad and that was more than enough.

She was very happy today. When she got up, a globule had died and a spectacular show of light was visible in the distance. She loved the way all kinds of colours just burst out in randomness. They had all trooped near the dying globule and had watched the 'death dance', as it was called.

It had made her so jubilant that she felt like throwing some colour down below at the earth. Her Dad however had just given her a stern look and walked away, when she had suggested it.

Now, she slowly sneaked to where he kept all kinds of rainbows hidden. The Rainbow Locker, it was called. She had discovered the small locker, number 203, adjacent to The Unlimitted supply closet of laughter and the Limited extra toe cabinet.

A dread ran through her. Last year, her enthusiastic exploration had resulted in an extra toe being tossed accidentally down on earth and a newborn chewing merrily on it. That her mother couldn't make out what that rubbery thing was that her wee little girl puked, was another story altogether. A whole village of ideas poured forth, but time healed their curiosity and that tale now remained forgotten and buried.

She chided herself for being so reckless and slowly opened The Rainbow Locker, and chanted,

"Give me a rainbow that would span a mile
That would make the world delighted for a while."

A mist developed within the endless locker. Colours stirred within. A faint strain of music slowly built up to an audible symphony. And a thin, wispy and beautiful rainbow emerged. It twirled around her. She touched it and the colours passed through her hand, leaving a pleasant coolness on her palm. She whispered softly, "Go spread joy wherever you wish to". The Mile Rainbow headed towards the earth. She sighed and then readied herself to tell her Dad what she had just done.