Like a familiar friend, worthlessness embraces me.
***
There was music. High notes. Low notes. Jazz and heavy metal. Silences and sounds.
And suddenly I stopped liking the music. So, I broke all the instruments.
***
What if the clouds don't reach? What if they are having a lazy day and don't deliver my messages? What if...?
***
Hopes are fickle friends.
***
What if questions keep piling up? On and on? Will it someday reach the sky? Can I climb on it like it is a beanstalk? Go up and whisper into God's ears? Demand answers? Someday?
***
I try to gather myself. There are a million pieces of me. Because no one really wanted the whole. They wanted only bits. They said the whole was way too overwhelming and an assault to the senses. They may have whispered snide abuses. But I chose not to hear.
Now I am going about, collecting and reclaiming the million bits to stick into one whole. But, there does not seem to be enough glue!
***
Why can't we choose to be where we want to be without waiting for money, people, situation and time? Why can't places be a thought away? I would be in Greece. Drowning in the blue. Soaking in the sun. Forgetting everyone. Forgetting everything. Most of all, forgetting myself and all that I want!
***
There are days when nothing makes sense. Ambition seems too hard. The friend you want to talk to about nothing in particular, over chai, too far. Even chocolate, incompetent. Only words hold you together. Your words. Words that rush out of your fingertips and want to be written. So a little bit of your discomfort with yourself is siphoned off. Stored away in some megabyte of memory to rot. So it doesn't poison you and make you feel disillusioned and lonely.
***
What I mostly need is to tie up loose ends. Pick the threads of my life I've left mid-way, string them together in a vaguely sensible manner, leave them dangling and find new threads to cling to.
God/whoever that be- will you help?
***
Speed up things! I am sick of this long arduous wait to finish, to find, to seek, to explore, to forget!
***
There was music. High notes. Low notes. Jazz and heavy metal. Silences and sounds.
And suddenly I stopped liking the music. So, I broke all the instruments.
***
What if the clouds don't reach? What if they are having a lazy day and don't deliver my messages? What if...?
***
Hopes are fickle friends.
***
What if questions keep piling up? On and on? Will it someday reach the sky? Can I climb on it like it is a beanstalk? Go up and whisper into God's ears? Demand answers? Someday?
***
I try to gather myself. There are a million pieces of me. Because no one really wanted the whole. They wanted only bits. They said the whole was way too overwhelming and an assault to the senses. They may have whispered snide abuses. But I chose not to hear.
Now I am going about, collecting and reclaiming the million bits to stick into one whole. But, there does not seem to be enough glue!
***
Why can't we choose to be where we want to be without waiting for money, people, situation and time? Why can't places be a thought away? I would be in Greece. Drowning in the blue. Soaking in the sun. Forgetting everyone. Forgetting everything. Most of all, forgetting myself and all that I want!
***
There are days when nothing makes sense. Ambition seems too hard. The friend you want to talk to about nothing in particular, over chai, too far. Even chocolate, incompetent. Only words hold you together. Your words. Words that rush out of your fingertips and want to be written. So a little bit of your discomfort with yourself is siphoned off. Stored away in some megabyte of memory to rot. So it doesn't poison you and make you feel disillusioned and lonely.
***
What I mostly need is to tie up loose ends. Pick the threads of my life I've left mid-way, string them together in a vaguely sensible manner, leave them dangling and find new threads to cling to.
God/whoever that be- will you help?
***
Speed up things! I am sick of this long arduous wait to finish, to find, to seek, to explore, to forget!
1 comment
melancholy.lovely.
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