It really is annoying to wait endlessly.. for simple everyday things to happen- phone to ring, get a cup of coffee, for a friend, important communication, better things in life, inspiration- EVERYTHING!
I really don't get the point as to why we put so much effort into being better human beings by grinning and bearing with troubles and trials! yesyesyes! I'm the one who goes about preaching optimism and the 'grin-and-bear-it-and-this-too-shall-pass' theories!
But, yes!!! There's a limit to patience. I'm almost reaching it but sadly, I fall back to my own stupid policy!
God... give me some inspiration or change or motivation that is not just self-driven! I'm tired of being the ONLY source of my happiness! It's good, agreed! I am not hurt by others these days and neither do I bother about universal acceptance and popularity and crap like that! I just LOVE being on my own, derive immeasurable pleasure in being such a huge bountiful well of my own smiles. But now, I wish there were other people/things that make me smile. I mean.. I'm the source for so many ppl's happiness or so they keep declaring every now and then! Whither are my sources?!
I've isolated myself...or rather my soul... from external influences as far as possible. That's the biggest lesson I learnt in the past 4 months. Now I'm unable to unlearn it! I'm becoming a stone! Oh damn! This post is sooooo morbid!!!Where's the girl who smiled every once a while for li'l things that other said or did! ok! I'm confused. I need a break and tat comes ONLY after Nov 10! Damn... let time run a sprint!!!
URGH! Now.. do NOT ask me to WAIIIIIT!!! X(
I'm NOT ALLOWING COMMENTS! :(
October 26, 2007
:)
(dedicated to... ah! I wish I could fill these blanks with some real name... :P I dunno why I'm posting this. But somehow I felt like.. I've been repeatedly listening to this song, untiringly for the past one hour!Oh well.. that is reason enough! and look here------> for yet another reason! ;D )
song - thoda thoda
singer - S.P.Balasubrahmaniyam, chitra
music - ARR
lyrics - vairamuththu
film - indira
Cast Anuradha Hasan, Arvind Swami, Nasser, Radha Ravi
Director Suhasini Mani Ratnam
Music- A. R. Rahman
Script-Mani Ratnam
thodaththoda malarnthathenna pUvE
thottavanai maRanthathenna
pArvaikaL puthithA SparisangkaL puthithA
mazhai vara bhOOmi maRuppathenna
(thodaththoda)
antha iLa vayathil ATRangkarai maNalil
kAladith thadam pathiththOm yAAr aziththAr?
nanthavanak karaiyil nattu vaiththa sediyil
mottu vitta muthar pUvai yAr pariththAr?
kAthalan thINdAtha pOokkaLil thEnillai
idaiveLi thANdAthEY en vasam nAnillai
thodaththoda malarnthathenna pOovE
sudachuda nanainthathenna
pArvaikaL puthithu SparisangkaL puthithu
narampukaL pinnappinna nadukkamenna
(thodaththoda)
panithanil kuLiththa pAlmukam kANa
irupathu vasanthangkaL vizhi vaLarththEn
pasiththavan amutham parukidath thAnE
pathinEzu vasanthangkaL ithazh vaLarththEn
ithazh mOodum malarAka ithayaththai maRaikkAthE
malar koLLum kATRAAka ithayaththai ulukkAthE
(thodaththoda)
A GLORIOUS AWAKENING
It was one of those perfect moments you read about in fairy tales. After a hard toiling four months, you wake up one morning-free of most cares that troubled you through the trial period and you see the whole world looks like a murky painting.
As I rose, the rain suddenly poured down, the wind howled in dangerous tones, the sky turned a shade greyer-although early morn and a million pattering noises greeted me a "Mornin'!"
The five minutes that succeeded my waking, as I stood in the balcony while the rainy day rose from the embers of a moonlit bathed nightly slumber, a fine spray of rain with a mild earthy fragrance kissed me their new-day greetings and a gust of wind roused me fresh!
Ah! What a lovely feeling it is to be alive and breathing in this beautiful world!
God bless the world and mankind!
:)
As I rose, the rain suddenly poured down, the wind howled in dangerous tones, the sky turned a shade greyer-although early morn and a million pattering noises greeted me a "Mornin'!"
The five minutes that succeeded my waking, as I stood in the balcony while the rainy day rose from the embers of a moonlit bathed nightly slumber, a fine spray of rain with a mild earthy fragrance kissed me their new-day greetings and a gust of wind roused me fresh!
Ah! What a lovely feeling it is to be alive and breathing in this beautiful world!
God bless the world and mankind!
:)
October 04, 2007
FEAR...
Fear is the greatest enemy and mostly the one that truly predicts reality. You fear for what/who you care the most!
You think you'll lose people,things,love,position,power,money,peace,etc in the pursuit of life!
We dream, over-imagine, fabricate stories in the mind, wander aimlessly in the tunnels of within to come up with fear!
It is scary to get hurt again; but no one travelled around the world waiting for the sun to raise in their backyards! I need to move, make the choice, take the risk, plunge deep into the testy scary waters.
I hope my fears are unwarranted and respite isn't long away!
I wish I could stop thinking and analysing life so much! But that just wouldn't be me. I confuse myself and fear the possibilities of yet another whiplash!
Ah...but I hope life and God aren't so cruel!
After all... hope is the one anchor I bank on!
You think you'll lose people,things,love,position,power,money,peace,etc in the pursuit of life!
We dream, over-imagine, fabricate stories in the mind, wander aimlessly in the tunnels of within to come up with fear!
It is scary to get hurt again; but no one travelled around the world waiting for the sun to raise in their backyards! I need to move, make the choice, take the risk, plunge deep into the testy scary waters.
I hope my fears are unwarranted and respite isn't long away!
I wish I could stop thinking and analysing life so much! But that just wouldn't be me. I confuse myself and fear the possibilities of yet another whiplash!
Ah...but I hope life and God aren't so cruel!
After all... hope is the one anchor I bank on!
October 02, 2007
LESSONS IN LIFE...
I'm being taught lessons in life! Important or not-I cannot fathom. It is just a very trying and difficult phase wherein I'm bing put to tests, being punished and through all these bitter experiences, being taught some lessons!
When did it all begin?! These unsubscribed tutorials? In actuality, it started somewhere in late-2005...where I first learnt that not all your dreams come true. It hurt my ego-infact ripped it apart and tore it to unrecognisable little bits. It took me almost an year and a half to sew them back together and do a 'reparo' on it!
The next lesson I learnt was more painful than anything! I lost my friend to the Last Reaper. May 2006, it was! That fateful day I can divide my life by- everything previous to it was childhood and everything after was a more difficult and confused phase of beginning adulthood! I learnt-you are always alone in this world. Everyone else comes and drifts away. NO ONE stays with you. I felt lost and lonely. And somehow..that feeling hasn't gone yet! It was a bitter painful heart-wrenching lesson! A lesson where I also learnt that there are very bad eggs in the world and I never can isolate myself from sorrow. From that day-even my most happiest moments have a tinge of sad associated. Everytime I smile, a question gets whispered in some cranny of my mind-"will this last?".
Then there was another lesson-one of a kind! Wherein I learnt that you never know who will pull you down and you need to always make up your mind for disappointments and downfalls. Trust people but also be prepared that not always will they be worthy of your trust! After all, we're all mistake-making mortals!
And now... yet another lesson is being taught. One of patience. To a person known for her impulsiveness! A very difficult and agonising lesson!
I'm patiently waiting- for it to complete its tutelage!
Why these lessons? For what?
I know not!
But well, I have no choice but to learn... yes... patiently!
When did it all begin?! These unsubscribed tutorials? In actuality, it started somewhere in late-2005...where I first learnt that not all your dreams come true. It hurt my ego-infact ripped it apart and tore it to unrecognisable little bits. It took me almost an year and a half to sew them back together and do a 'reparo' on it!
The next lesson I learnt was more painful than anything! I lost my friend to the Last Reaper. May 2006, it was! That fateful day I can divide my life by- everything previous to it was childhood and everything after was a more difficult and confused phase of beginning adulthood! I learnt-you are always alone in this world. Everyone else comes and drifts away. NO ONE stays with you. I felt lost and lonely. And somehow..that feeling hasn't gone yet! It was a bitter painful heart-wrenching lesson! A lesson where I also learnt that there are very bad eggs in the world and I never can isolate myself from sorrow. From that day-even my most happiest moments have a tinge of sad associated. Everytime I smile, a question gets whispered in some cranny of my mind-"will this last?".
Then there was another lesson-one of a kind! Wherein I learnt that you never know who will pull you down and you need to always make up your mind for disappointments and downfalls. Trust people but also be prepared that not always will they be worthy of your trust! After all, we're all mistake-making mortals!
And now... yet another lesson is being taught. One of patience. To a person known for her impulsiveness! A very difficult and agonising lesson!
I'm patiently waiting- for it to complete its tutelage!
Why these lessons? For what?
I know not!
But well, I have no choice but to learn... yes... patiently!
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