GABBAR SINGH…

*title courtesy- my dear sis Swetha*

He arrives with his unmistakeable stink making me feel all puke-ish! People swear they can’t live without him. Having born into a section of people whose daily existence revolves around him, I am sneered at for detesting him with such a passion! All around me people hail him king and sing his praise while I, for the past 18 years and 8 months have been waging a lone war against him, and winning it!

It’s time I shout before the world… or atleast before that set of loyal readers in blogsville,my most well-kept secret…

I HATE Gabbar singh a.k.a. curd!!!

Ever since ths gal of yours was a wee one, she’s had this unparalleled hatred towards what people around me call… pardon while I puke… a ‘delicacy’(MISNOMER!!!). One year old me had very over-sensitive taste buds, all declared and with snooty looks branded me as a ‘fussy eater’. Dear momma of mine tried bringing ‘more’ and ‘thayir’ into my little world but all I did was vomit when it was brought within a 2 ft distance and say-‘noMORE’! My mom tried lassi, thick curds(yuck! How horrible they look!) and a lot of othe sub-ploys to trap me into the never-ending Brahmin fascination for butter-milk and curds. Their deviousness could not win against my innocent, yet strong opposition!

Amma gave up! She, after wiping a tear or two in her pallu, decided that her daughter shall never be forced into taking what she doesn’t like!(Thank god for me!)

Thus I remain, till date a non-moreholic and a non-thayirholic and a non-bothoftheaboveproductsholic. Or in other words- a teetotaler of sorts!

This is the everyday scenario… while everybody has their food on the dining table; I’ll either have it separately on the living room sofa on a moda or eat before/after the rest of them. Reason- the very smell boils my blood and gives my sensitive nose-buds an excruciating pain and illness;also the fact that I have to have one of the three while eating-a book, tv or conversation and the others don’t like me having any of the three!

While the family slurps delightedly at the horribly white distasteful object of discussion, I try my best not to grimace or show a face. I run far away… I don’t even touch the utensils which hold/have held them! Ugh!!! And don’t even dream of me to serve anything which has ‘it’ in it!

My family has got used to it. But my friends…

When I initially joined DAV for my XI, there used to be this major ‘food hunt’ in the lunch break by a few girls.They used to go around and sample every mom’s cooking. I used to discard my food if anyone used a spoon which had even touched a drop of curd! Soon my friends realized my ‘unusual tastes’ and decided to jus use my spoon!

College- well, I’m still the butt of all jokes! My friends are still amused how could a girl, that too an Iyer girl, not like buttermilk/curds and how she could survive without it all along? I tell them- if there can be vegetarians alongside non-veggies, there could be curd-haters alongside those foolish ones who love it!

Marriages and public functions are quite a trial for me and without my mother’s support, I can not attend them for nuts! People fail to realize there could be curd-haters. How biased! These catering people who serve the food are wont to put some curd-article on to the ‘elai’. This happened once and boy wasn’t I bloody pissed?!? From then on I keep my hand in front of me in that ‘bus-bus’ manner as soon as they start serving food and take my hand off only when something I like comes up, which again is rare cos I’m a fuss-pot when it comes to food!

So many have tried in vain to ‘get me hooked’ to curd but in vain. I stamp my foot and yell a no-no! I’m not alone in this world. I know at least half-a-dozen people who are like me and a dozen more who have it only occasionally (puzzles me how!). Forget them all! I’m living proof who stands testimony to the fact that people can live-a hale, healthy, sane and HAPPY life- WITHOUT CURDS!!!

Gabbar singh… ab tera kya hoga???

( Incidentaly these are the other things I loathe:

beetroot(blood vegetable),
beans/cabbage with rasam(I can have it only with vathalkozhambu/sambar),
avial(with more),
shrikhand, lassi,
over-burnt ladies finger(it should have that perfevct padham I prescribe for the day), manja-pazham and karpooravalli pazham(I only like malaipazham, rasthaali and elakki), keerai(yuck! But I’m forced to have it sometimes…),
vazhathandu( read vomit) esp as molagoottal,
molagootals of most varieties,
appams with sukku,
ginger-tea and all other ginger-related things (except ginger-lime juice in my college), pongal with peppercorn,
adai(yuck!!!!), vengaya dosai(can’t have it even if that shall save me from death), ulutham paruppu(I ALWAYS take it off my food and eat. My mom very sweetly NEVER porichukottifies the vegetables!),
grambu in anything,
whole elakkaais(I love it powdered tho),
steamed corn(don’t like it much),
pavakkai(unless it’s pavakkai pitla),
usili, kovakkai,
radish(unless it is muli paranthas),
spinach(unless it’s methi parantha),
mushrooms(not tasted too much),
all bland international food(yuck!!!!!!!),
raitas(hate hate hate them),
turnips,
saththu( a Maaru sweet that tastes like ‘nothing’ and makes your whole mouth all sticky and gooey-gooey!)
Have pazham after drinking milk(god, I hate it!)
Vethalai-Paakku
I could go on… :D