November 25, 2011


The blanks. The spaces. The effort to bridge it is probably what is testing my patience right now. To realize a film and make it happen, never was easy. Thankfully, I knew this fact, before I signed up to make films in my life. Much as work keeps happening, there are these times in between where you feel paralyzed. Where you just want to kill time. Do something absolutely useless.

Guilt is a wise leader. It reins me back from slipping back to chai gate for another chai, or opening unsecure to watch a film/sex and the city! I feel obliged to work and get things moving quickly, so that I can shoot as per the mental schedule I charted for myself.

The effort that life is demanding out of me seems insane, especially in terms of my film. And nothing happens easily as well. Permissions, people, fixing, sprucing- it all takes a toll on your spirits! A little sprinkling of easiness would be well appreciated, anti-force.

My crib fest does not stop with my efforts alone. It transcends to money matters as well. A self-sponsored diploma project is no mean feat. Money sublimates and I am left empty handed most of the time.

The vision will make me pick up my work again. Somehow. But for now, I feel blah and like cribbing and giving it all up and going back home and laugh at Melissa and Joey on Star World with my sister, or explain that Phoebe is pregnant with her brother's kid through artificial insemination, to my mother, or teach my dad to make grin smileys on chat.


Such a demanding world! :(

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Maira Gall