April 16, 2009

Days: in and out

How differently every day starts and ends. What does a day think when it begins? Does it think of being nice, being evil or just in its droll way, deal out a fair share?

So what do I have at the end of the day? Just a whole pile of unfinished work. A million unfinished conversations. A thousand held-back thoughts. And some more silly fancies to kill in my sleep and wake up chiding myself for being such a fool!

Why? Where have those delectably long days gone where I could decide what course it would take? Where an idle hour of blissful lonely walking could well be tucked in along with all the movies and oh.. the pile of books!

Why has this silly old computer suddenly become more important than anything? And why has it become the tool of communication, business, work and even such pleasurable acts like writing?

Oh! Once more a million questions confront.

And like I said, so does the end of the day.

*************************

I have no idea why I'm blogging so much. Too much creativity oozing through. Too much computer time, desperate need for distraction.

*sigh*

April 15, 2009

Overwork and some mind-wanderings

As they've stated umpteen number of times, when there is plenty of work at hand, the mind generally rebels and refuses to do work like a snobbish girl asked to clean toilets!

My mind is in such a fanciful world, especially after the rich treat of 'Rose in Bloom' by Louisa May Alcott. The book just about gave me a new soul to call my own. It injected in me happiness and more old-fashioned virtues than Alcott could have ever imagined to sow, so many years later, in one of modern day's creations!

I've been termed 'Victorian' by quite a lot of people and I take a secret pride in being so. Old-fashioned values and principles are what I set for myself and have, thankfully, withheld to, all along. Books like these, just reinforce the faith in yourself and make you want to plough on in the hard path in today's fast times. all the more.

I have just so much work on my plate and as is wont to happen, creativity just refuses to walk along with me. My mind has frilled fairy wings right now and wills to take flight into those wispy arenas of the sky, where I suspect dreams wander.

A foundling called hope, that I had kept ignored and fettered all along, miraculously released itself and is circling around me in the primitive happiness of new-found freedom.

I feel a new joy that I hadn't known so far. This joy I last felt very long ago. But it is not a joy stemming from any external source. It is from deep within- like a secret song whose words nature taught just to me!

There is just one reason to this joy. I had misplaced my key to happiness in one of those many baggage we carry along with us. And all of a sudden, I realize, it was in the folded palm of the other hand that was not searching.

Well, Í DID require all the searching and grief for this unbridled joy of today.

After all, "We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams"

:)

With great happiness,

The Dreamy Dryad

April 14, 2009

Point. ~the Ezinetter. Issue 2

Point.~ The Ezinetter. Issue 1

April 12, 2009

A little time, maybe...?

Give me a little time, maybe, to figure out the million things within, in isolation. Yes, it is the person who loves the world and all its people who's talking out here. But then, in all that din, the voice within has become obscure, the soul within me- missing.

Meaning, I need meaning in life. And I'm searching. Worldly ties, responsibilities and routines peg me down to the floor and curb my flight to freedom.

I wish I could escape and go for a bit of soul-search!

I'm glad a place like the terrace exists... where I can head for some peace, loneliness and thought.

April 09, 2009

Where am I going?

I've no idea where I'm heading in life. Here and there, i see hope and faith and some self-encouragement driving me onwards in this vague path. But more often, it is loneliness and fear that walk beside me.

I wonder for how much longer this uncertainty is going to be. Yeah, I'm sure there are people with worse lives, darker futures and all. But at the moment, I'm so selfishly coiled that I can't quite think of the rest of the world.

I need some light in the future. I don't care about anything but I really really want to do some work that is meaningful to me. I feel like I've barely done anything in the 22 years of my existence. I really hope I don't turn out to be a failure.

I do wish sometimes, due to all the self-imposed pressure for success and society imposed pressure to prove my worth, that I'd been born a dumb girl! Now really! It makes life a lot easier. Some guy would have fallen for me for sure(as they generally hate the intelligent-independent kinds as a rule), I would have batted my eyelashes and I'd have been married with a kid on the way or some such thing.

But I HATE that. And I am so independent(or atleast wanting to be). I'm a bright kid and I so want to make my life and not settle down for just anybody or just anything.

Sometimes ambition is the very thing that brings you down. Like today- I can't settle down for anything but the best out there. I work so hard, I better get what I deserve- is what I tell myself.

But honestly, i have no idea where anything is going. I'm so confused. I know EXACTLY what I want. But no matter how hard I try, fate plays spoilsport and makes situations so un-conducive for it to be mine.

I'm scared that might happen once more. And only I KNOW how important what's ahead is for me. I just hope and pray that I get it.

I wish some light is thrown in soon. I know I've had a much better and blessed life than say a few million other people. And I'm really genuinely thankful for all that.

I just wish I get this course I am asking for so sincerely. Honestly, it's not much and I'm not undeserving either.

Please God, or whoever it is that decides things for me, please make me get this. It matters a whole lot. And it is really not nice to torture a person so much. There's only so much a person can take. and I'm nearing my saturation point.

April 02, 2009

bleargh

yeah yeah! yesterday I was RAAAAAAAAAAAVING about happiness and stuff. Today, SOOOOO many of my plans went haywire that I'm feeling bleargh.

God... please make everything-to-be, WORTHY of all this.

April 01, 2009

I'm woozy!

I don't care if I'm dieting!

I don't even care if I'm as girly as girly can get!

I'm going to celebrate the completion of The Princess Diaries with bread and Green Apple jam squeeze and chocolate sauce! Yes! RICHHHH and calorie-high food to celebrate all the mushiness and wooziness that I feel!

:D

Owwwwwwwwwwwww!

That was the most delectable and I-can-relate-SOOOOOOOO-completely series that ever existed in contemporary times.

I just worship the book and weep when Mia does and laugh with heart-glad-happiness when she's elated.

Omigod! I'm SOOOOO sad that the series ended, albeit in the BEST possible manner.

Forever Princess was the BEST book in the series and I absolutely LOVED reading it and was reading it with manic obsession.

I love the world that it sets- where things, even if they go horribly unimaginably wrong, just miraculously patch up and it ends in the most fairty-tale-ish way possible.

I wish...

Ah well! Michael Muscovitzes don't quite exist, do they? And even if they do, I wonder if I'd ever find one.

And Mia- you ROCK, POG! :D

© Dryad's Peak
Maira Gall