February 26, 2009

At Present

 

You may have been laughing just a minute back on some really idiotic joke-not a care in the world, feeling as light as a feather. And suddenly, with that speed and randomness that your thoughts often process, the jolt of memory tugs at that remote recesses of your mind, where you had stashed the thought of that event that you anticipate.

It comes back to you...

The very carefree happiness that you were reveling in, just a couple of seconds back, is wiped clean like some internal rain sweeper working on the glass of the mind.

Yes, I am currently in that stage of life, where the wait seems to be endless.

A special acrobatic performance is being staged exclusively for my benefit and personal viewing within my tummy! And well, just the wait, the silence, the unknown outcome is just resulting in repeated shows of the performance every other hour! Don't those acrobats ever get tired? *sigh!*

To think that this became the course of my life only in recent times and that it was not even on the cards, a couple of years ago, when I wanted to take up a completely different route for things, it seems strange that, in its short stint in my existence, it has acquired such gargantuan importance.

Giving something your best shot, never quite got it for you. There was always this other element, that some people called luck and I simply call 'that something', that was required to clinch it and claim it yours. I do not know if that something is with me this time. I shall not know till the moment of reckoning arrives.

And that is what is making everything so hard to plough through!

I have wanted a lot of things in life, the self-proclaimed Lady Oliver Twist that I happen to be. But nothing has quite matched my want for this! I have so made up my mind, that I won't be able to digest it if it can't be mine. I'm scared to dream of what wonderful possibilities lie ahead if it becomes mine, and also scared to visualize what a pathetic mess I'd be if it is going to be a life without that on the cards!

I really want a seat in you! Kindly select me for the next round of interviews. I'm already going near-berserk with all the mounting tension and anticipation.

Here's wishing I'm on its academic rolls!

Godspeed to me!

(For all those who absolutely did not get this post- I've applied for my PG and desperately waiting for the results of the first round of exams. End of March is when the results are expected and I'm running out of patience! )

2 comments

Satish (a.k.a) Bhaashaa said...

dude ... life will throw surprises and tantrums at us as we grow, education to me is just a part of life. No education will teach you the way to lead your life, its just the experience. :)

But, you wrote such a philosophical / serious post and you have ended that with a humour touch. Good one.

Sat

bharat chandran said...

Sandhya, your 'At present' is all about future! - an interesting perspective though

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