January 24, 2006

AND THE CLOCK TURNED…

His cheerful face keeps popping up every few seconds… his words ring in my ears, “you have a very good handwriting, child”… I remember every single second I spent when I had stayed in his house in Trivandrum… eating yummy food, looking at my mama’s stamp collection… going with him to another relative’s place… his recent visit to Chennai… my grandfather(his brother) and him smoking nearby…

And now…he’s no more. Wiped off the face of the earth by a freak accident…

Death, the great leveler... The master silencer that leaves me numb and without any fathomable emotion!

One second you laugh, you cry, you are alive, you’re breathing and the next… you cease to exist!!! It’s something I can not even imagine. I’ve never seen death, or people dying… touchwood! But I’m scared of it… I don’t know how to react… I feel as if my insides suddenly became all empty… as if I was just a hollow being… I’m at a loss to do anything. My head spins, my head aches and my mind goes blank. I can’t think or do anything at all. I sit silently and quietly, without thinking or moving a limb!

It’s unnerving and scary…

Whoever it is, whenever it’s happened, it’s always been this one empty feeling.

I’m feeling it now and then. This will last for a while. Also things haven’t been going great otherwise in life, either! My bus’s been changed, my profs only manage to lull me to sleep, I’ve been horribly crabby etc. Life’s on a low now and somehow some bubble of hope always manages to stay awake in life telling me that tomorrow may be better. Yet some part of me also keeps feeling sad at the uncertainty of life. Nothing lasts forever… things change for better or worse… I’m growing up… maturing… looking at harsh realities and facing troubles that almost seem to wreck me but not quite…the clock keeps turning… we live this second in pain or pleasure and move on…

Whatever this life has in store, I just can’t wait to see… what more pain… what more joys… whatever comes… I have no choice but to just be myself and face it.

Wishing you all the joy, happiness, wishes, prayers and strength to face what may await you,

Sandhya


And life moves on...
Frame after frame...
New things evolve...
New people come...
Times change...
People change...
And we go on forever...

6 comments

Sheks said...

SO SORRY TO SEE THIS :( !
grandparents can be touching,indeed!

Vikram H said...

im very sorry about it Sandhya...the same feelings and thoughts were running within me when a dear uncle passed away a few years back!

hamsini said...

*hugs*..I can relate, because I'am super close to all my grand parents too..and i can't imagine loosing them..just hang in there things will get better.

Ramya said...

I've gone through the very same feeling too. Just compose yourself, courage and strength is what is needed most now.

Neha said...

:(

Vasu the terrible said...

Really sorry to hear that. Felt very similar when a close friend died.

This too shall pass, There is always hope.

vasu

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